God...you think you know people.

I was in a good mood...:/

So since Sunday...well there's not much to claim. I have been looking after my mum all day every day (it's now Wednesday) and done Wii Fit every day...apart from today as my legs hurt, but gettingt back on it tmoz.

We had a buffet today to celebrate my mum passing her final exam and therefore completing her honours degree.

I spoke to Sean on the phone which was nice. Though he is pratting about some gift or something which I have no idea what it is. Though he said he might be playing a joke...so if he hasn't got anything then I'm gonna be pissed. I'm not spoilt, and in now way want presents. I don't expect them and will complain if he has, but to wind me up that he actually has done something spontaniously romantic then it turns out he's making a joke out of me, then I'm gonna be annoyed. Very annoyed.

Speaking of being annoyed, apparently you can't make a little joke about people having their hair cut. In no way did I slag off Scotts hair, was merely stating that it looks different, and I prefered the mop. But Imogen accused me of 'ranting' about it. Why would I care enough to rant about some mates haircut, when I wouldn't care if he went bald, because I'm not going out with him or anything, so I have no right. I don't care what he did, I don't care what he looks like. But apparently I was ranting. She doesn't know what a bloody rant is (this is getting pretty close to one...but I'm annoyed at her ignorance so I can) Whatever...it makes me laugh as to how protective she got. If she commented negatively on Sean getting a hair cut I wouldn't care. She's not the one who has to live with it and if like it then why should I care what other people think...so she should take my advice and shut the hell up about a bloody joke before I get major pissed off :/

Anyway...on a more positive note :D it's only 12 days till I get to see Sean and I can't waaaaiiiitttt :D

xxxxxxx

Alone but in Love

So its been a while since I wrote, but there was nothing to write about in Uni.
So latest news...I am home for the next 3 months (ish)

Ever since I came on Wednesday and it's now Sunday, I have been slowly unpacking.
Also, my new latest thing is that I am going to do an hour a day hopefully :D did 45 minutes today. It was my first day :P hopefully it will let me tone up as I am feeling fat :/

So again tmoz another hour :D plus looking after my mum who has hhad an operation today on her elbow, but luckily she pulled through :D

15 days till I get too see my baby :D

Hopefully I will write more to document my time at home.

I went out on Friday and got a little drunk. Was amazing.

Must remind myself that I have to eat correctly aswell...can't go munching...which will be hard :/ but I will succeed :D get rid off the fat :)

Anyhoo....byeeeee xxx

*yawn yawn yawn*

Am so tired. I have nooo idea why. I've been getting to bed at normal (ish) times...apart from last night. So maybe that explains why...:/ but the comedy night was epically amazing :D

The saturday I bought more clothes and underwear :D it was cool. And then partially revised a little...
Yesterday I revised some more and hung out at Sean's as usual...then went to the comedy night with Sean, Imo and Scott, and Matt C. It was really hilarious with Sarah McMilligan as the headline act :D

Today...well...I'm not in the best of moods. I'm getting a cold I think...and I'm starving :( like stomach churning hungry.
Britains got Talent is on tonight, so I will go get food before then, and my x-stitch because I havn't in a while and I want to :D

Anyway...just a little update.

Can't wait to go home and see my family and Kerry :D

xxxx

Bad Romaaaance...

Am listening to tunage :D

So, in the past few days. Tuesday I did lots of revision which sucks. Wednesday had a shitty Genetics and Evolution exam which was...well, shitty :( Thursday, we revised, then went to Matt's house then walked the walls for something to do :/ next year should be better. We can all entertain ourselves :D

Today I had another Genetics and Evolution exam which was partially better. It was multiple choice and I reckon I did ok. We shall see in a couple of weeks.

I should be going out to the SU tonight for SU Friday is Scott or Imogen gets back to us. It's already 7.45...so I hope they just don't spring it on us. I need to get dressed and ready.

My coldsore has healed up so I can give Seanie lots of kisses...:) the negative thing is the lack of sex >:( bloody monthly evilness :/

Am going to go shopping tmoz. Major urge for more money spendingness, then go to Tesco's and buy loads of snacky rubbish haha :D

It's been relatively sunny today so the weather might be getting better.

Lol I can hear Sean attempting to sing to music in the shower D: awwwww ;)

I think my amazingness is wearing off...I don't get the right response to my blogs off him anymore :(

Meh...anyways. Only two more exams to go :)

xxxx

Crisps :D

I hope you appreciate my heartfelt title. It expalins everything...well, mainly what I'm munching...but that's still very important :P

Soooo, since thursday. Saturday consisted of me seeing my baby again and then raiding Primark for new clothes, and because of cheap pricing, only spending £23 :D

Sunday was the relaxation day on rhe field, feeling pretty in my new dress...but also the reason why my shoulders and knees are burnt..so so much :/

Today...well I had my ecology exam which was 'meh'. That basically sums it up perfectly. I don't know how well I did or if I answered the questions right...we will see :/

I did more sunbathing..and re-burnt my knees. I got accused of blocking the bloody sink by my housemate..and they probably still don't believe me though I bloody gave them proof. Ah well...only a couple of weeks till I'm free from them :D

Ah I love the summer...minus this bloody coldsore.
I can't kiss Sean because off it, but the pressure must have got to him ( it is really hard not to kiss him..I love his lips..) anyway...he kissed me and it was like all over again..Freshers Week all over :D but it was as he was leaving me..in a crowded room. I just wanted to continue. So now I'm sat on my own, kinda desperate for him to come back in the hope of more kisses :D

xxx

"Arrgh, the sun...it burrrns"

Oh my gawwwd! The heat...tis amazing :D

Wednesday...what happened?
Well, me and Sean woke up with a huge hangover...and the faint recollection of Sean putting a cone on his head. It was a good night...:D

I keep forgetting what I did as I have no lectures or anything :/

Thursday...more revision. Sean buggered off in the afternoon leaving me alone yesterday, all off today and some of tmoz morning :/
He is seeing his parents so I can't complain as they are the lovely people who brought him into the world and into my little life :D

Today I did quite a good bit of revision and then went to bask in the sunlight with some of my beloved friends.

And now I'm back on my laptop with slightly burnt shoulders ;) alone and listening to Sean talk about how he's having an Indian meal tonight ...om nom nom...*drool*

There's a new primark open in Chester so I'm going raiding it tmoz. I need a new white vest at least...plus other items ;) Sean will come with me as he deserted me hahah.

Anyway...will get back to you some other time. Now for Sims babieeee :D

xxx

Sod All

Lol...I have to write more :/

Friday = revision.
Saturday = shopping, revision.
Sunday = revision
Monday = uber revision

...you get the idea.

Today I had my animal handling exam, and I thought it was quite easy and I feel confident about it. I just hope what I wrote was correct and that I wasn't chatting uber rubbish :/

Now I'm just chilling at Sean's. Going out tonight dressed as Minnie Mouse and I think my outfit is going to look amazing :D can't wait ^^

Will update and write more, because to be honest...I just can't be bothered.

The sun is out and I'm enjoying it...as much as I can :/

Byeeeee xxx

Love and more ;)

NEWFLASH!!!
S'all good news ^^

I wrote a few days ago, but the longer I leave it them less I can remember because of my old age :O

Sooooo...on Monday, I had one lecture which lasted a whole half hour just based on revision...(something which I should get around too today...) and then there was just chilling's in the house of Rhian with Seanie :D

Tuesday was dull. I have no more lectures any more so I have loads off free time which I have to fill with revision. Then I went and bought booze and then we had a house partee in the house of Seanie :D it was ok...nothing special. There were no games just talk...:/

Wednesday I dragged my housemates to pizza hut for hangover buffet special :D then I dyed my hair red. It's ok...the dark blue makes it darker than it should be, but my roots are bright red...it's not that noticiable...most people probably wouldn't even notice...but as it's me and my own hair...i think I look odd :P hence why i need to grow it out. It's gotten so long.

Today nothing much has happened. I'm staying at Sean;smost days now becasue of the bloody ant infestation :/ it's gross :o

Uni is nearly over, cannot wait to go back home, though uni will feel like some amazing dream which never really happened, though I have worked out that there is alot going on for me and Sean, and there's ever only 2 weeks apart when we don't see each other.

So hopefully it should be ok :D

See ya laterz :D xxx

Back to Normal...?

So I guess I should write again :/

I have to apolagise for my last 'outburst' on my blog. I kind of wrote what was going through my head at the exact moment and I kinda got carried away. Either that, or my hormones took control of my typing for that brief input :/

Either way I'm sorry if I offended anyone, and that any harsh things said are no longer meant or felt...and all that jib jab...so...sorry :D

Everything seems to be ok now. There have been no soap like arguments or busts up and it's just back to simple Rhian's life. I don't even think I've argued scarily with Sean since then...just me getting miffed...as usual :P

Note to Sean: If you havn't read the other blog, which I don't think you have because I didn't tell you because I was scared how you would take it, and also, you would have said something if you have. Then either don't read it becasue it's not important...or my second option, because you probably WILL read it...don't get annoyed. I'm not pissed or anythin...don't bring it back up...I just hope it helps you understand why I got annoyed :/

Anyway...so I last wrote on Wednesday.

Thursday involved one lecture...which was revision AND then me and Sean went to a UV foam partee which was amaing, though it was freezing on the way back. You have no idea just exactly HOW cold it was :O

Friday was Reaseheath, hwere we had a mock exam and our practical was cancelled :/ then we chilled :D

Saturday, me and Sean went swimming, and then shopped and revised. Well he did...i played Sims 2 :D then we had mexican for tea. Om nom nom... and chilled in bed.

Now today I have been shopping with Imogen and bought hair curlers, a skirt and a poster :D now I'm back at Sean's and am going to go in Sims again in a bizzle. Then were having pasta and garlic bread and then bed time ;)

Ok...so just an update. I am very happy again now, minus the exam stuff :O plus I have my lovely man and I'm all better :D

xxxx

Whatever

I've never been so down in my life...:/

So I last wrote on Thursday.

Friday, we worked with the lemurs all day...was quite fun, plus I didn't get found out I brought the wrong shoes ;)

Saturday...revision and shizzle.
And probably the same for Sunday...I honeslty cannot remember.

Monday...no lectures. So a good lie in.

Tuesday: one morning lecture and then a night out.
I'm not going to lie to be quite honest...it was shit. One of thee worst days of my life and has just carried on too today...great.
Firstly, the place the party was at had rules so we left to go to Arden. But before that, this hoare who always has her tits out was kinda groping Sean...and then he bloody wonders why I get upset. I don't care if she didnt kiss him, I dont care that there was probably nothing meant from it...all I care is that most people know there are certain boundaries on people who are TAKEN.

I'd like to see what would happen if some guy got a little touchy feely with me. Shall I just flip out and pretend it's all ok.

And I know we've been arguing a lot lately...and probably most people know it. But I am not going to pretend nothing happened just so we dont argue over something as fucked up as that.

And then I end up sleeping alone for the first night in ages...with the reason 'other couples do it'...who give a fuck what other couples do. It sounds like something my parents do when there pissd off at each other. If you want time on your own, then fair dues...but you do not spring it on somebody when there drunk, VERY upset...and the last thing they want is to be abandoned and sent home.

Last night i couldn't sleep, hence the shitty mood today.

Plus I'm still bitching because this tit girl is either adding Sean now or the other way around...he isn't telling me :/ either way I don't like it.

Plus he probably wont remember coz he got pissed, so as usual I'm the one that can remember it all which sucks.

Sometimes I just don't know what to do with life...

I'm sorry for being depressive...i've been like this all week and needed to vent..because no other sod I've tried to talk to listens.

Or i just get asked...'why are you still down?'
Why? WHY? because like the saying goes...'you can forgive but not forget'...what do they want me to do? skip down the bloody street singing.

I might just go T-total...lol...

xxx

:D :D :D :D :D :D

SMILES!!!!!!

So today has been a relatively mixed emotion day :O

But shall start from Tuesday...something I can't really remember :P haha. I only had one lecture in the morning. And then I did alot of work on this bloody assingment which totally puts me in a stump :O but but but!!! My baby cream cat sylvanian family kitty kat has turned up. They have actual names, but I'm calling her dolly...and I'm so sad I want more :O ...heehee. They remind me of my childhood ok. But you should see the teddies and toys my room consists of...it's shocking for a 19 year old girl. But when I get my own house I will find room for them all. They will be decorated round the house all sad like :P Sylvanian overload!!

Tuesday night (yes it needs it's own paragraph) was amazing. I didn't get ill, I didn't throw up, I lasted the whole night, I wore sensible shoes and therefore my feet didn't hurt, I got pissed, Sean did too, We didn't argue. I ate all my sexy chips...so overall an amazing night. The only problem was the hangover the morning after haha.

Wednesday.
Was hungover, AND my period pains are amazing awful. Have never hurt so much, and yesterday I was crippled over from the pain. I was actually quite scared. And am now considering the implant, which is scary...as its all needly crap :O *help*
We didn't do much yesterday. Did work, bought some munchies and Sean looked after me a little...which was nice :D

Today.
Went to first lecture and he didn't turn up...major fail.
Went to town and found the jumper I have been wanting for ages on sale for a £10. So bought it asap. Also, the ring that Sean is buying me came in stock and it's gorgeous though there is a size issue. We will see :)
Now I'm at sean's. Have been doing more of my assngment, but noe I've stopped becasue I've come to a blockage as i need some results to carry on and write, but as I dont have them yet, there's sod all I can do other than chat waffle :P

So am going to chill for a while until I get more notes :D

I love Sean!!!!

Byeees!!!
xxx

De Ja Vu...unfortunatly.

Hello.
So I'm keeping updated for you all again :D

Well I wrote on Friday, but I didn't mention Reaseheath. We massaged tapirs :D it was actually quite fun. There like giant doggies which could break your toes :P

Saturday involved some shopping and some swimming with Sean, Scott and Imogen :) it was really good. Did some excercise, but got yelled at for kissing Sean. Some man who was swimming totally flipped and started yelling, saying we shouldn't be tonging in front of children, and that it was like porn.

What kind of porn does he watch???

And I personally reckon he's just jelous he couldn't get any...and his kids were fat :P

I made a healthy tea which I am proud of...chicken breast, corn on the cob, baby potatoes and a salad :D

Yesterday involved finishing off my poster for Uni and watching TV with Sean. Though in the evening we set mammal traps (nice ones!!) and went bat hunting. I tore up my ankle on thorns and nettles, because I had leggings on...so they still itch at the moment...it's my own fault...but I would still appreciate some sympathy...:D

Today we had a boring lecture for the second half. But the first, we went back and looked out our traps and found some mice and vole type creatures. All very cute, and I wanted to keep them all :D

Am at Sean's doing my last assignment...and that bitch is back stalking him. It is very upsetting as I predict she is going to be there all the time again, and I'm not sure if I can handle it this time around. Already in a bad, saddened mood, so I don't think this will help.

I don't know why she affects me, probably because she knows it affects me, and I can see her smug face as she types on Sean's wall and knows how I will react if I see it. I think the only reassurance is that she is too scared to say anything to my face...and to be honest, I can totally beat her :D

Meh...very mixed emotions. Myself in a bad mood. Guilt for being in a bad mood and therefore taking it out on everyone. Protection and defence over Sean...MY Sean. And love and all that...and then just being down because of it all.

I don't know.

I ordered a Sylvanian Family baby...should be here soon...want to go spend all my money :P

Okies...see ya for now :D

xxxx

Revision!

So it's been a week.
And that's because their's nothing to write about. It's all been revision and assingments. I handed one in today...and one yesterday. And I still have two more to go!!

And then I have to revise :D

So just basically saying hi :D and I love Sean.

He is sat with me now...were wathcing TV, and we watched Life :D was good. Tmoz me and Sean are gonna have a good night tmoz of relaxation.

This is gonna be thee shortest blog ever :P

I'll keep updated more. Go into detail and all that :D

I LOVE SEAN!!!

xxx

Been A While

Am sooo sorry for lack of updating-ness :O

And therefore, due to epic non-speaking, I can't really blab on about everything you've missed. So shall have to brief you :D

Southampton: OMG. Was totally amazing. Things were a little bad for Sean's rents, but even through that they were very hospitable and I loved it. Plus his parents are amazing. I have no idea what I was worrying about...and I can't wait to go back...and to steal their new doggie :D and to see the kitty again. She loves me more than you Sean!!!! :)
Even going to the football games was amazing. I thought I'd be bored shitless, and I thought I'd really not fit in with the freaky football crew, but I managed to fit in amazingly well and I enjoyed the football aswell...but I WILL NOT be converted into a Saint's Fan :P

I think the only really negative thing was the shitty, awful train ride down to Southampton. Don't think I've ever felt so scared or lost in my life...

Anyway, I'm back at Uni now, and have been for a week :P it's all be work, which I am still doing now. I probably wotn get a rest because then the exams start. But we did have a good night out, but I had to leave at 1 because that was the day I came down with a bloody cold! I am suffering so much. At first I wasn't trying to let it get to me or bug anyone, but today I feel awful...and i'm therefore upsetting people around me with my depression :(

Am trying to work....:O

Anyway, will keep you updated like I used to. Ooooh I bought a cute cardigan for my new dress yesterday and some new gladiator sandles because I'm so cool. Thought my mum is concerned why me and Cez are having a personality flip :P

Okies, byeeees xxxxxxxx

Nearly there :D

Aaaagh...1 day till I'm off to Southampton to see my lovely Sean :D...am so excited but very nervous. Scary stuff :P

Well I havn't written since Saturday...because nothing much has happened. Apart from Tuesday night when I slept over at Kez's again and freaked myself out by the film 'Shutter' and then relaxed with 'Liar Liar'. Kerry makes good chilli and garlic bread :D She should work full time at uni to feed me :D

I have packed and re-packed soo many times this week. But this morning I went thouroughly threw everything and have finally packed properly minus the odd things like toothbrush, straightners...etc :D

My mum is gonna have to visit me at uni and bring up more bags that include uni needing stuff. I think she said on Tuesday then go to Chester town...where I will drag Sean with us :D because he still needs to meet my mother :)

I finished re-reading New Moon last night, and no matter how many million times I have read it, I still love it and still have a few mottos from the book. My newest being:

Love is irrational, the more you love somebody, the less anything makes sense...

Which more me and my experiance with Sean, couldn't be more true :D I love him ^^

It's very cold at the moment, and there is nothing to do anymore. I painted my nails green and they look very cool :D apparently it's 'Ninja' colour...haha :D "hiiiiiyaaa! *karate chop*"

I'm bored :D but felt I need to update my blog or you'll all think I've gone and forgotten you. Tonight I feel I should have a early sleep as I have to get up at 7.30-8.00 ish to get a lift to Manchester Picadilly and then get my train at 10.27 which is 4 hours and 45 minutes long....oh my gaaaawd! I hope I don't die of boredom :P

Anyway, I'll leave you with some more beautiful words of Mr Cullen:

As if I could exist without needing you.

I wish lads were this dependant of woomen...like addicted :D

Ah well...bye bye my lovelies :)

xxxx

Drunken-ness

Ok, so this blog may have a few issues (typo's, spelling errors...the such) more than usual because of last night and the noggin' isn't in full working mode.

So my plast blog was on Wednesday...and I really can't tell you what I did on Thursday...becasue I can't remember haha *thinks*........I think me n my mother had a day off and did some work...I think :O nopes...no idea :D

Yesterday was amazing however. firstly me n my mummy went to Home Bargains...thee cheapest shop ever where I get all my uni stuff. Like 16 rolls of toilet paper for £3. My housemates next year are gonna love me ;)

Then we went to Asda where my mum treated me to a very nice new top (only because I was admiring it's beauty then complaining how I had no cash :D)...but I am very grateful :D

I am a bit put out because the money I thought I had has been drastically reduced becasue of my phone bill I totally forgot about, so my budget for this week is hardly anything (about £20) till I go to Sean in 6 days! Then I have about £100 quid to spend on those wonderful, amazing (hopefully...) 10 days in the land of ham :D

Yesterday evening I had my Sixth Form presentation evening where I got to chat to my good ol' friends from high school/sixth form...which was basically Kerry :D haha. And the few teachers that did turn up. I recieved my away which I am actually quite proud off no matter how much of a sympathy award it was. Jenny got a few in other subjects and did obviously better than me in the long run and the final grade. And maybe because one of my teachers is my next door neighbor :/

But it was fun overall :D

Then I went to Rochdale town for boozing with my mum where I got ever so tipsy off 11 WKD type drinks haha. I thought I was gonna be left out a bit with mum n her friend but it actually was amazing and a fun night. However I do miss the company and the fun I have with Sean and my friends. It's like two different types of 'going out' with your friends and your mum. With my friends I try to be protective and make sure people are ok and safe and get home safe. With my mum I can be more care-free as I'm the child in the situation and I don't have to worry as much :D

Stumbling home through the doors and defeating gravity by falling up the stairs, all the time with mum shouting "Ssssssshhh!!!" as we got home...was quite funny and then just dying on my bed.

Actually...sleep was quite bad. My stomach was very unsettled and after finally getting everyone to stop texting me...and after I called Sean *woops* I went to bed, then a hour later I woke with the awful feeling to throw up. You'll be glad to know it wasn't that bad. Just a bit of wretching and a little sick...which was bright red! In my drunken stupor I thought I was bleeding to death from the throat/stomach...until I realised that the majority of drinks I had were luminous red :D

This morning I woke up at the untatural time (even for me...) at 8.45, and then tried to get back to sleep, which was quite unsuccessful :/

So now I am in my scruffs, the hair is tied up and no makeup...:S my stomach feels a little uneasy even after my yummy bacon buttie.

I feel like a porcelean doll. So fragile and breakable...even before going on to the pale, cold skin :D (omg, I'm a Twilight Vampire ;D)

I miss Sean greatly which is hard at the moment, knowing that I only have 6 days. So close but still so far...it's just out of reach :S I'm so nervous but so excited.

Ah well...I will get back soon where it will be even closer.

Bye bye for now my lovies :)
xxxx

Looooooooooong Day

Title says it all.

I'm in a odd sort of mood. Kinda snappy, kinda down, then kinda happy...(all at different times of course) I just don't know what to do :/

I had a weird dream last night. I turned up at Sean's house at the train station (which looked oddly like Manchester Vic) and I catch Sean making out with Jenna :O
Which of course is stupid...because nobody would cheat on somebody in plain view of where there meeting their girlfriend :S

I don't even think Sean would cheat...but it's hard to not get a little paranoid when you live soooo far away from each other. I have ultimate trust in him, aparently my mind doesn't. I hadn't even thought this until this morning...which is probably wy I'm grouchy.

He could be doing anything and just telling me a story. But I honestly think he is waay too in love with me and he has too many people to notice...but then again he's managed it twice before me...so you never know.

I'm soooo confused. Plus I feel sick now :(

Let me just get this clear: Sean, I don't think you're gonna cheat or have on me, and you know if you do I'm not gonna give you another chance. And I'm not even thinking you have been cheating. I'm just explaining why I could be dreaming such odd things.

Because you could just be thinking the same thing about me, as our pasts are very similar in the long shot of bf/gf's and shizzle like that.

*sigh*

My dad's watching the news = more depressing.

It was fun Kerry's :D we watched Twilight and New Moon...or some of it, we were talking alot :D

Was a fun catch up night, and then yesterday I went for a walk with my rents :D

Today I've just been doing some of my assingments....boring :O

xxx

New Moon

Yess..I have bought it..the film I've been anticipating for so long. New Moon-age! I can go with my Twilight DVD. And tonight I'm having a Twilight sesh with my good friend Kerry :D

So I've been home since Friday night. And in some ways it's good and some ways I want it to pick up and get me on my way to Sean's. Been shopping Saturday, Sunday, but today I got a little time off.

Saturday we went Bury, where I got a super-man t-shirt :P and then Sunday we went to Junction 32 where I got all the Busted CD's (i know...lololololllll) and a new series of vampire books I'm going to read once I finish re-reading Twilight Saga :D

today I dragged my rents out for shopping and wernt and bought the New moon DVD :D soooo happy. Plus my graphic novel of twilight has arrived and I've already read it and it's fantastic!!!

I havn't read Twilight in a while..and am re falling in love with all the beautiful things that are said. But as Kerry said, I am Bella and Sean is my Edward...(apart from Sean doesn't really have the vocabulary to speak things so beautiful) lol...no man has. It's all a lie all these romance novels :P

Aaaaagh Twilight :D

Anyway, have not much to say...ooh other than 11 DAYS!!!!!!!!

Countdown begins tmoz :D

I'll see ya laterz :D

xxxxxxx

On my way home...

I'm sooo freaking tired. It's all those days of nothingness and then BAM!! Thursday and Friday we have freakin' loads of lectures and shizzle. I'm dying....*yawn*

Wednesday was reall the same as Saturday, Sunday, monday and Tuesday. Nothing happened and it was quite dull and boring overall.

Thursday I had to get up for lectures...I had to ACTUALLY set an alarm. But I've finished one of my assignments, and the one I'm doing at the moment is quite easy. So that should be done very soon...hopefully :P

Today I had Reaseheath where we walked doggies :D I got a really excited spaniel. She was gorgeous but a pain in the arse :P then we just cleaned out the meerkats and bat-eared foxes...and now I'm really really tired.

Kind of weird dream last night...I say 'dream' as far-fetched as possible. It was kind of mid-conciousness where your dozing so you're able to think but then sleep starts to take over so they get a little weird :D

I was listening to my music on i-pod :D and I have a habit to make up scenarios in my head to the tunage. I was in a lovey dovey mood and was just thinking up things at Sean's house when I go down. And there was a bit in the woods going for a walk and then all off a sudden there were huge chicken eggs next to the trees. And when I say huge, I mean like HUGEEEE! Taller than us and really fat. I have no idea why they were there, but me and Sean had to go find them. But the thing is that was probably when I slipped out of conciousness as I can't rememeber anything else :/

I like the begininig bit...was me meeting the family and really impressing them...rather than what WILL happen, and I'll get laughed at for being really common and I'll get judged based on previous girlfriends...:(

Meh...I will not dwell on that just yet...maybe next next week :P

Just a short blog as there really is nothing to say...other than I can't wait to go home but I have a few hours still as my Dad aint picking me up till 10ish. *yaaaaaaawn*

Byeeee
xxxx

Dreams =3

I promise Kerry...this is a positive blog :D

Ok...so my mood is WAAAAAAAAY better than my last mumble :D

Day 5 in the Big Cheyney House

Yesterday I did absolute feck all, which in one way I feel a tad guilty as it felt like a wasted day, but as in most days I usually do something, this was the first day to do nothing and I thouroughly enjoyed it :D

I played on Sims 2 all day and progressed very far :D I did a bit of stitching, but I got a sore back from leaning over too long and had to stop.

I also finished my Vampire book, which I guess was my achievement for the day :D am reading a scientificy one now...but you really have to be in the mood for it as it's still a little bit like learning :O

The sun is out and it's nice and warm. I can see my local visitor Squirrel in the garden and I'm generally in a positive mood.

I've done quite a bit on my new assignment and have stopped for the day, and will carry on tmoz :D I'm on track with everything, and apart from Sean not being with me, everything seems fine. I'm even excited to go home as long as I keep myself buisy and am not sat bored round the house.

So I have happy Jona Brother music and I'm enjoying dancing on my bed :)

Sean sent me some lovely photos...so I'm also a little 'wanting' atm...but I will pull through :D *sings to jonas Brothers - please be miiiiine!!!!*

Plus as off yet I still havn't had a paranoid text fest with Sean...like begging for texts, which makes me feel better as a girlfriend :D plus his texting back is quite fine for me...not obsessive, every second texts (like some idiots ¬¬) but there nice...quick conversations that are just....nice. It's hard to explain, but it seems we have got the balance right. (PLEASE DON'T LET THIS JINX IT)
I'm not annoying Sean (he says he likes it but I reckon he gets annoyed...sometimes) and he's not ignoring me :D happee times :D :) :) :)

So now, to explain my title...so ever since I got that dream catcher I've had a strange dream the two nights ago which, of course, I shall explain (BTW...can I say how funnee Snow Patrol's version of 'Crazy In Love' is...???)

Sunday 14th Night Dream:
So this was a weird Avatar, insecty-ness thing.
It was me, my good friend Kerry, and Megan and we were in a cinema apart from there were stalls everywhere, like when you go to a Uni open day and there is loads of free shit everywhere. Us three were in a rush, telling people to move and that they were going to be late, all the time we were running so we wouldn't be late. We come to some big doors where, this woman (who happened to be the Rainbow leader at my Guides) was sat near a table handing out bracelets which had our names on. We put them on and she started a chat with me but we had to rush so we burst through the doors. Then inside it looked like changing rooms at a swimming pool.

We got changed into clothes that you would wear swimming (bikini, costume...etc) but they were green. Then we turned back and quickly walked through the doors where everyone was now going in the same direction. There were oxygen tanks on the walls at different intervals and I saw soome girl fall to the floor and her friends put the oxygen thing in her mouth and they carried on walking. Slowly, I noticed that me, Kerry and Megan started to turn green. Similar to Avatar..but green, with dark green stripes over our body. Hair went green, eyes went yellow and more cat-like. Nails grew longer and went pale green. Then things began to sprout from out body. On our elbows and shoulders, the back of our arms and legs...green spike-like things.

Yet me and Kerry didn't seem bothered, but Megan was slightly worried, but as if she knew this was supposed to happen but just hadn't experianced it yet.

Suddenly there was a crushing pain in my chest which happened around the same time as Kerry and Megan. It was our lungs deflating and shrinking and gill like formations sprouting on our neck. I say something to Megan, whilst trying to keep my face straight and brave, 'i know it's painful, but you'll get used to it'. I give Megan a few breaths from a nearbye oxygen tank and she feels better.

Then we run through some more double doors which have vines and flowers growing round it. We push through to see a beautiful rainforest like habitat (still inside the building as you can see walls and windows). There are groups of these beings..and other creatures. We cross a small lake over stepping stones. I have to catch Megan as her foot slips into the water, and a big mouth with sharp teeth comes up (which i presume was another evolved creature..if thats what we are :S)

We walk to a group of large leaves where simial people are making nests with leaves and flowers. Kerry goes off to find her family and I find mine. Though when I get there, there are two large nests and one little one. The scary thing is, my parents and Cerys are sat in one...and Sean and his family are in another.

My dad then explains to me that there is some ritual about 'crossing over the nest'. Which...without scaring anybody (though this dream might do it anyway) is a ceremony for me and Sean to leave our family nests and start our own..hence the small one which was built for us. I didn't dream a ceremony, just that me and Sean go and sit in our nest and my mum says that it is for us to build up, year after year, so that eventually they will be as big as theirs. Then we just curl up together and go to sleep (which is also odd as the nests were pretty open and faced our parents...:/


:D So my dreams arn't usually THAT vivid D: I've never even seen Avatar....!!!

So....I hope you enjoyed story-time :D it kept me entertained during my sleep, I can tell you that :O

Talk again in another two days :D

xxxxxxx

Fairytales

Meh...it's going to be one of those weeks which drag on when I really need it to rush bye...

I have to start with one thing:
Sean, I know I was off on the phone,and I guess there is something up with me, but it's so pathetic or wimpy that it was waaaay to embarassing to explain over the phone. So i'll say it on here where I can hide from my own stupidness...

I miss you, plain and simple as. But it's really really REALLY missing you. Like I said, I'm not getting that paranoid about the lack of text, because..so far you've had good reason too. I thought I was getting better at the whole 'try not too be possesive and scary' and at first it seemed ok. But instead its when I'm alone I get down and end up crying. You have no idea how many times I've broken down. It's like somebody died. You can't contact them hence not getting upset, but instead getting flooded with emotion.

And I guess on the phone, I was hoping to get a proper conversation out off you, as the past two days it's be short and sweet calls, just to hear each other...but when you were tired and not talkative...it kinda seemed pointless. I did enjoy it, put it totally burst my idea fairytale bubble :(

I'm just down I guess. The next few weeks might get better...?

Anyway...I need to get home and away from this place. Their are no memories of you at home and I can relax and go back to the world I lived in before I came to Uni. I want my mum, to cook me decent meals instead of what my tea consisted off today (pasta n tuna, then jam on toast, then a shit chip buttie)
I want to see my sisters and talk and catch up.
I even want to get bullied by my annoying dad :D

I want to see my friends and hang out and catch up. At least I can have something new at home and keep myself pre-occupied. Not that I don't want to be reminded of you (to reference previous line) but this times it's hard...only because I know how hard it was at Xmas...and I don't want to resort to the girl I was then...

To refer back to the title...I watched Enchanted last night, and it got ideas in my head. So I had the weirdest dream ever...which could also be due to the dream catcher I bought myself yesterday.

So I was in Uni by myself and my dad came to pick me up. I was sad to be leaving and the whole way home consisted of me being sad. As we pulled up into my house there was a unusual car outside my house. I waslked in expecting it to be nexst door neighbors visitors, but then you were in my living room and it became all fairytale-ish. With the kissing and twirling and all that.

It was a nice dream, but only upset me more in the long run. My body and mind are joined to be against me really.

Now to go over the past two days...and I'm thinking 'Big Brother' style.

Day 3 in the Big Cheyney House
Yesterday, Rhian woke quite early to go shopping with her friend. She returned to the BCH at 1.30 ladened with alot of things. A skirt, a dream catcher, lots of cookies, and a bag from Anne Summers, which she will not go into :P

Then next few hours consisted of typing up some work and then relxing in her room by doing quite an impressive bit of stitching.
Rhian then recieved a short phone-call from her boyfriend which made her happy as she was suprised, and she was glad to hear he had fun and that was now in love with wedding. Her mind filled with all the lovey-dovey rubbish, which is reality will never happen, becasue boys do not understand the female mind.

She then continued to stitch and relax till it got ot silly oclock (12.40) and went to bed.

This morning she woke at 10.45 but remained in her bed on the pc, in her pj's till about 12.45 where, feeling quite lazy she got dressed, but carried on no the pc. She then left the BCH to wash her clothes, returning at some periods when there was nothing to do. She then talked to her bf's cousin all day, making her more sad, as this cousin loves her bf and talks about him waaay to much.

She then continued to work and completed her assignment which made her very happy. Then at about 8.30 she decided to make her crappy tea :( but not before recieving the happy/sad phonecall from her boyfriend and now she is sat at her pc feeling very lonely and sad and would like a hug...and is now very upset becasue my i-tunes should learn to understand her emotions and not put depressing McFLY songs on where there is a line going 'All my days have turned into nights, because living without you in my life....'!!!! Humph.....!?!?!?

I need to chill...I cannto carry on like this. So I'm going to stick to the plan I was following and that Sean suggested today. Countdown this week. Then countdown to important things and time should go more quickly...hopefully.

Keep an eye out...and I'll try to be more positive. But as I have nobody to talk to this blog is the only place to rant.

Kerry...it will be your turn next week :P

Love ya xxxx

Waaaa *sob sob*

He's left....he bloody left me again :( not fair.

... :( :( :(

Past week has been a blur, been very slow apart from Wednesday night where we went out dressed as Muppets for Scott's 19th. Was ok, apart from Sean getting pissed and throwing up around my bedroom...and of course, me having to co-ordinate him ¬¬ and as usual I threw up again...I'm getting concerned :O

Today was Reaseheath, spent with less people and myself being alone :( but was cool because we got to handle, fly and feed this gorgous harris hawk called Axel :D then I cleaned out the Servals bedroom...he kept hissing at me...was funnee :D

Have a major headache and the coach ride home was bad and made my stomach VERY uneasy, so not sure if I'll end up hurling my guts up later :S

However, am glad my period came on. It was too days late and I was shitting myself. I know way was I pregnant, and the thought only crossed my mind once or twice, but I was worried as to what it's delay was...did it just want to cause me that much extra discomfort, plus throw in a bit of worrying/panicking...thanks body :(

And the past week I was like "I want my period to start..." and now I'm like "I want it to fuck off!!!"

Tmoz I'm going shopping to cheer myself up with my friend Emma, whilst picking up some photos from post office. This will probably make me sad as most of them are me and Sean...and that is going to be difficult.

Woke up at 5 to see him off, all the while fighting sleep, and the tears. When he left at 6ish...i don't think I got to sleep from the crying till 7. So am also a little tired and grouchy today.

So the plan for tonight...already in my comfies :) then finish up on pc, slap a film on, have my tea (stop listening to bloody romantic Westlife music which only makes it all worse) and x-stitch.

Hopefully the next week will speed up as I'll keep myself entertained with Uni. Then the week after I'm home, and my mum is off so I can distract myself. Then over the two weeks at home, I shall meet up with my good friend Kerry :D and do stuff. then the last week I am reunited with Sean in (hopefull) Southampton :D am scared, but also excited...as is expected.

Shall keep you updated...and Kerry, sorry if this was too sad...I tried to write down how I was feeling without over slushy stuff...it's written basically how it is....apart from this:

I LOVE SEAN SO MUCH AND MISS HIM AND WANT TO CRY!!!!!!! xxxxxxxxxxx

Ararrgargrgrarrgg!!!

Yes, well I think the title covers it...

My mood is fuuuucked up :( it's one of those weeks...you know? The one's where you bleed uncolntolably from the nether regions :( and therefore I want to rip peoples heads off which, for his unfortunatness, is poor Sean. The amount of bickers we've had over 'feck all'. And the sad thing is, I know that I'm usually the one to cause it, and that it was uberly pathetic...but I'm too stubborn and wound up in general to admit it's my fault and I was wrong and therefore am sticking to my battle.

Sean isn't here...which sucks...the first time...in like forever. He's writing some Best Man speech...and I'd usually go with him to his house. I don't know why I didn't. I've finished my work, and I could have taken it with me...but I got the impression he wanted to be 'alone...'...I think I might have scared him away and he wanted some time away from the ticking time-bomb :( which is sad because I always try not to be a full-super bitch :(

Well the past week has be ok. Last week involved lectures and the highlight was the amazing house party we had on Thursdya where Rhian got very druuuunk :D (see videos on Facebook)...urgh I'm embarrassing :P

Then the hangover day when I was in Reaseheath..which involved alot of mucking out and handling frogs...¬¬ not 'that' interesting to be quite honest.

The weekend involved shopping for food and comforting my poor Imo :( then I cooked me and Sean a curry (including Naan Bread!!) and then yummy trifle :D and then Sunday involved our speciality of pasta bake AND garlic bread...(but no dessert..but a bit of booze)

And now today is the day my body empties itself of all its lovlyness and kills me whilst it does it...:(, plus i got a bloody painful paper cut, and the day just doesn't seem to be going that well. But I managed to get out of my practical lesson early because we got all the work done so that was a positive.

I've done some of my Squirrel assignment which makes me feel better and more productive...but after a hour of writing down what I saw squirrels doing...I gave up :D but I shall finish it on Wednesday for Thursday.

I'm gonna be down all week. Hormones are raging and Sean's leaving a week early (again!! but for more legit reasons...) this Friday...so added with my period I am evidently a emotional reck.

I'll pull through...it's gonna be three weeks like at Xmas...but one week will be spent at Uni where I can pass time better, and then two weeks at home, where I go back to being treated slightly like a child ¬¬ but I am going to keep myself busy and meet my Kerry :D and do all those assignments :O

And then it's a week to Southampton where I will shut down, go very pale and be very quiet :*( *help meeeeee*

I'll keep you updated!

xxxx

Procrastination ¬¬

Yes so as the title suggests...I'm supposed to be doing some of my assingment..but I can't be bothered :(

Bloody, explain how to look after Chinchillas, Goats and Monkeys...:O I have till april and have nearly done it...but I promised myself and Sean that I would get to 1,500 words today so I WILL do it...eventually :D but the suns out and it's kind of warm and I am soooo bored :P

This week has been meh lol. Reaseheath was ok...we played with porcupines :D Saturday me n Sean wandered round town, then Sunday we did some of our assignment and now its monday and I'm still doing my assignment :(

But I have bought tickets to go see Seanie over the Easter Holidays :D yay!! Should be fun and for a whole week :D :D :D
Am very nervous though...and I'm getting dragged to 2 (yes two!!!!)bloody Southampton football games.

He's gonna owe me majorly :P

I thought I'd write a blog as I havn't posted in a while...but there's really been nothing to post for haha :D

I'll see ya later :D xxxxx

Fake

So the title may suggest annoyance and displeasing events...but do not be in fear my lovelies as it's all good man :D

Since Monday, me and Sean have been faking it through our days (don't worry...not that you think...Imogen ¬¬)

Monday we had a fake pancake day, courtesy of Rhian's amazing pancake skills :D I was very proud of my skills and shall be cooking more soon...once I get more milk :(

And then Tuesday we had Sean's fake 19th Birthday night out and that was freakin' mazing. Apart from myself having to make myself throw up half way through it was cool :D and Sean is the cutest person when he gets drunk...when he finally listens to everyone telling him that he 'has to listen to Rhian if he wants to get home safely and not end up in trouble'. :D he's like a little, cute, baby child who confesses his love to me, is all cute and I just want to cuddle him lots :D (i have a few videos if you want a giggle...I have been banned from putting them on Facebook ¬¬)

And then yesterday being Wednesday, we had our fake Valentine's Day where I recieved the fluffiest, softest teddie ever. I have, rightly so, named him Sean the 2nd (very origonal)
I got a funny 'Saucy Devil' statue...he knows me soo well :P I got a cute watch. Its all white and pink and flowery :D i think he listened to my complaints about how my watch was falling apart. And if he didn't, then it was just a good guess for a present :D and then a cute dolphin necklace. I have a few that make me itch...dam you nickle and some that are from my grandad or too small and therefor don't want to wear them or simply can't. Either way, its very cute and i love it.

And then the huge 'Me To You' card like at Xmas. Aaaagh Me To You...why do you have to be so cute yet so expensive in all your fluffy, cuteness. Build a Bear should totally do a Me To You giant bear...they did Hello Kitty...maybe I can send them my ideas.

Anyway...my day is soo full today and I have a multiple test exam in a couple of hours...which I'm not looking forweard to. Just becasue I can't be bothered!!!!

Meh...anyway...see ya all laterz :D

xxxx

Baby's Coming Back...

...actually he IS back so i'm very happy (told you'd they get happier again Kez) :D

...and *aaaah* mcfly...i do love ye. Am watching one of their tour videos with all their music vids on (hence the title...to all you mcfly geeks) and I thought it was appropriate :D

And no, Sean isn't watching them with me...I don't think he loves me that much to put up with them lol!

I let him go watch a football game at the pub with his mates because I can't keep him to myself because that is unfair...though I think I should try that :D

So am x-stitching and watching mcfly-ness. It's fun...am waiting for Sean to come round to mine to stay over, as usual, and then we;ll have more fun times...and then I make pancakes for mine and Sean's official pancake day :D

Rhian and Sean's Pancake Day = 22nd February 2010

Had no lectures today so went and bought thee cutest shoes ever :D and other items...which came from Sean's wallet this time :) makes me happee.

So I thought I'd update you that I am happy again as I should be and that you all don't have to be peeping at my blog to see if it's gonna put you in a sad mood or make you go "awww....Rhian :D*

Or if you're Kerry..."Rhian...you're gonna make me sick" lololol :D

xxxxxxxx

Bringing back the Past

Kerry!!!! I havn't forgotten you and I'm so glad you read my posts...I had no idea :D

I promise to be more involved and I wont forget you. I don't love my new friends anymore than the love I feel for you :D

Anyway...I reckon you don't want me confessing over my blog...Facebook is better ;)

Anyway...its Saturday and 14.08 no matter what the time at the bottom says :S I'm sat looking after my sisters and watching Scrubs. It's one of those days where I can't go out as my mums in bed and i have to look at the sisters. I can't pack, have to stay quiet and BLOODY SEAN AIN'T TEXTING!!

He's probably sleeping off a hangover from the stag do he said he wouldn't like but I reckon he had fun...(as long as there wasn't any strippers...)

Last night was annoying. I knew he wuldn't text...even though he said he would. So I kept myself preoccupied.

But when I asked if he had had a cigar then I got nothing...so obviously I was panicky all night..and sleep was a little disrupted :(

He told me waaaay in advance that he might be smoking, and I accepted it...but then recently he's being sayin ghe probably wont...and I'm sorry to say I think I got my hopes up that he wouldn't be smoking.

But when he has pressure to make his brother happy, and theres booze around, and everyone else is doing it, I reckon he did smoke a cigar...but he hasn't told me and I REALLY NEED TO KNOW...like now :(

If he has then I don't want to know anything else...like how many or anything. As long as he doesnt start smoking then I don't need to know.

It's not as if I can change the past. It's been done and I have to live with it..and there was no way I could have said 'I don't want you to do that please' becasue I have no right to do so and he wouldn't have listened as it's not for me to decide.

Anyway...i'm not getting down. I've accepted what might have happened...so when it's confirmed I'm gonna be down (slightly) but I can't say or do anything as long as it was the one off to make his brother happy. I just needed to write it all down to confirm this to myself and to STICK TO IT :D

Anyway...in a general 'meh...' mood.

Keep updated :D
xxxx

The Final Countdown

Yeah...i wish, but there will be more...sad times.

But woo, am in a better mood today...have nooo idea why :D

It's Thurday which means that it's only 3 more days till I get back to Uni. I think yesterday was seen as the 'half-way' point...but now it's thurdsay and I'm almost there....come on Rhian...we can make it :D

So yesterday my moods increased. I got to see my sexy boyfriends sexy tattoo...which btw is totally fit and sexy. Makes him look like a bad boy :D (though I'm still cooler with my tattoos :D)

I stayed up until half 3 last night talking dirty and sending and viewing a few photos...(I wont go into detail to save my friends from shock and panic attatcks :D) but it was a 'fun' night. It was one of those days where your texts turn you on, you SHOULD delete them incase of being read from others..but they keep me company when I'm craving simple things such as a kiss :D

Have had my hair cut today and next i'm gonna dye it then straighten it so i'll feel a tad more attractive...she says dressed in scruffy pants, a too large RB's t-shirt and a thrown on hoodie :D

Anyway...has been a fun last 12 hours :D

Love you Sean so much :D xxxxxxxxxxx

A Craving for Kisses

Urgh! I can't even tell you what mood I'm in because I don't freaking no!!!

1) I'm bored and have nothing to do now until I go back to Uni...which I wish was soo much closer.
2) It's only Wednesday which means I'm only half way through this lonliness and despeair that's slowly eating away inside of me.
3) I feel shit and guilty for wishing I got away from my house and family. I love my family loads, but my independance is amazing. And being with Sean is amazing...and....urgh!!!!!
4)It's Sean's birthday today, his first birthday whilst we've been going out and I'm not with him. Which means that I'm in a depressed state, but he's all happy and seeing people to text me, and I don't wanna put him on a downer on his birthday by being sad and lonely...so I have to fight this one out on my own :(
5) I've discovered that I'll probably never be with Sean on his actual birthday until I finish Uni, because he'll either be at home for Dev Week, or he'll be wanted at home anyway by his parents. And therefore I have to take the back seat there...¬¬
6)He's not texting me AT ALL when I want to see his tattoo and talk to him on his birthday....

I give up so much :(

I just want to cry and throw something heavy at something.

Not a healthy attitude really.

I'm just gonna leave him too all his happiness surrounded by all his loved ones though.

Happy Birthday Sean :D

I just need to get back into my comfort zone...I need my loved ones :(

Plus that bitch of 'trash' is re-trying to piss me off again. Stalking his profile, having a go at ME for being on his profile...Errr...GIRLFRIEND love...I can do what the fuck I want and if you have an issue with that I'll be glad to 'sort' it out for you :D

I have a line of inspiration for me to keep focused on however:

"I am the one who has Sean for myself. She can't bother me because at the end of the day I'm the one who can say that I am the one who has what she wants...something she will NEVER have no matter how hard she tries"


So I miss him loads and you have no idea how much I'm craving a kiss or just him touching me...
Like Bella so correctly says in Twilight..."It was like I was in pain and when he held my hand, his touch put out the pain that I was in..."

Bella...you have no idea how right you are....

xxxx

Positivity

So, my past few blogs have gone from very sad and lonely, to slightly crazy, to this one being happy and brief.

I love Sean.

I love my friends :D Imo, Matt B, Matt C, Scott, Livi, Emma...and all my aquaintences.

I'm in love with Sean!

I realise just how much he fears that he is going to loose me, even though he doesn't always show it. I love him that little bit extra now because of this :D

I love his subtle signs of how he feels for me, and even though he doesn't always show me, I usually work it out :D

I'm in a good mood, I've been out with my mum, going out again tmoz, my health is improving.

Only 6 days until I see my baby, but I have his birthday and his brothers stag do to get over (I get worried :D)

But then it will all be better.

Thankoo for reading my nonsence-ness :D

xxx

My brain is falling apart!

So, here I am...at home. And Sean's at his house...at Southampton. Rochdale-Southampton....about 10000000000 miles away from each other :O

So as usual...I get panicky, tad-paranoid, lonely and he scrapes at my mind every bloody second...
Which basically means I love him...wayyy to freaking much :D (dw..am not gonna stop loving you :D)

I think I need help from my friends to keep me calm and not obsessive. I can't handle the change from practically living with him, to not seeing him at all and only hearing from him every 3 days.

But i've just got under a week...minus the facts it's Valentines day today and I'm alone. It's his birthday on Wednesday...and I won't be there to celebrate it with him. but the week after we're going to have our own personal celebrations...so that's gonna have to be enough to keep me sane...ish?

And I realise how much my new found Uni friends are sooo great. Imogen, my lovely friend who relates all my female stuff is superb. We have a good giggle and chill out and she brings out my locked away feminicity as I lacked the friends at home to go shopping and understand me so well.

And recently Matt who helps me relate with how men see things...so when I'm freaking out over Sean, he can tell me how it can be seen and that actually Sean didn't mean me to take it the way I thought and that I should calm down.

So basically. If I stick to my plan...I should hope that nothing makes me upset, paranoid...etc. I'm gonna behave and be a good girlfriend. I think the plan is to keep calm and really think things through :D

I'm also scared...I need to go to the doctors with my throat...and I'm worried. Will keep you updated :P

Love you all...

HAPPY VALENTINE's DAY!!!!!!

xx

Home and away :D

Yay!!! Am off back home for a week today. My dad will be picking me up in about 3 hours so until then I shall be packing and doing a little bit of V-Day shopping.

That's gonna suck. Being alone on V-Day. It's not even as if I'm single...i'll be moping for Sean all the way at the other end of the country as he recoveres for a hangover, if todays plans to correctly....at least I'll have pancakes to make me feel loved...and fat :P

That's if i'm not hospitalised...I discovered a small painful lump on the underside of my throat. It makes me think that I could be my syst I had when I was 6 and hospitalised then. Which scares me alot becasue I do not want to go to hospital at all :(
And if it's not that, then I have no idea what it could be, which scares me even more :(
Last time I was in hospitable wasn't a nice time and I'd like to avoid the whole situation again...but the strange thing is I have no way in telling what it is...it seems quite serious, and I'm worried my parents will take me to hospitable :(

Plus Sean's all the way home so he can't comfort me.

I just need it sorted out before it gets worse.

Anyway, this post was just to warn you that posts may be slower and I don't know how much time I will be on a pc for the next week :P

xxx

His Post

So, recently I have been slowly sinking into my loneliness and sadness now that Sean has gone. It usually happens on long periods away from each other...and I'm sure to Sean I look like some possesive freak, when actually I'm just so connected and in love with him, every time he leaves he takes half of me with him :(

I've already expalined how I cried when I walked away from him after saying goodbye, but I was hit with a wave of emotion last night in one of the most unlikely places...RB's nightclub :S

Everytime I have been out t night he has always been there. And RB's is a favourite place of mine and my friends. So we were all dancing, myself feeling a little awkward as I didn't have my usual 'dance partner'...and a certain song came on...

As it's a 90's club, you would expect Michael Jackson to be played, something I totally bypassed in my mind. So when 'black and white' came on, everyone paused, looked at me, my friend gasped and there was loads of sympathy...but I couldn't help myself and broke down in the club.

I probably did then look like the depressed, possesive freak...

It sucked majorly...plus everyone had been asking me the whole night 'where was my other half?', and that 'we always come as a pair,' or that 'it's weird, me being by myself...'.
They were all words of help and comfort most probably...but it only reinforced the nagging thought in my head of how much I'm missing him.

:( :( :( :(

It's only 2 weeks, but you don't know how easy it is to just miss a simple kiss, or the touch of his hand. It's not as if I'm sex mad and missing that. I am, but there are more simpler, more romantic things too that seem more personal.
I'm just craving him so much it's becoming unbearable.

My bed feels so empty, I'm used to sleeping cuddled up, soaking in his warm body heat...now I feel lonely and scared in my bed, and freezing. My personal heater has left me :(

I'm just feeling down, but if certain monthly cycles wern't taking place I'd probably feel the same anyway.

It's so odd, becasue, without diving too much into past relations...I honeslty felt nothing like this with exes. I was happy to have my own bed and wasn't too fussed if I wasn't going to see them for a while, like on holidays. With Sean I get upset if he goes back to his house for a few hours...or doesn't text me.

I don't know if I'm too clingy or if this is just right...

Somebody help?

xxxx

He's gone...

...and apparently taken half of me with him :(

So, it's Dev Week next week, and Seanie has gone home early to watch football :D which is good for him, as I know he misses his family (and pets), but bad for me because I didn't want him to leave, but then feel guilty for wanting to keep him to myself and away from his family, the people who love him and have know him longer than I ever will :(

It's quite early for even my day today. Stayed with Sean over-night, not wanting to loose any time with him AT ALL. I walked with him till we had to split, forced on a smile and watched him leave. Then I had to walk back to my house, looking oh-so-special with tears rolling down my face (much like they are now). I literally ran the last few feet just so I could hide in the comfort of my room and sob my heart out.

I don't even know if this makes me clingy or just so totally in love with him. Also, struggling with 'that time of the month' my emotions are wild, and I don't know what I'm going to do with myself now :(

Since were away from each other, I'm going to miss Valentines Day and his 19th birthday (which on the positive side lets me get his final present know he's not here) but still...I'd rather him be here and sneak about with his present...

So basically, you can see my whining is a form of the tiredness and sleep deprivation and hormones and uncontrolable love :(

I'm not even compalining as I'd go nights without sleeping for him...but not he's not here and I'm already falling apart it seems...

Anyones have an opinion?

xxxxx

Sleep creeps over :O

Ok, so I'm shattered...been a long week hence no recent updates.

Monday I had off giving me a long weekend which is probably why I'm so tired. Biological time clock is all messed up.

Tuesday I had a few lectues with a 10 am start but that was a slow day.

Wednesday I had the day off but woke early for some reason then had to treck to the doctors for the pill and other things.

Thursday was a killer. None-stop lectures all day, dragging on :(

Friday, today, I was at Reaseheath, working with an assortment of animals which I am too tired to write about.

Now I have tried to get to sleep, but fear I wont tonight. I have a stomach ache for some reason...I think I have an idea as to why...but it's not fair and my heads starting to hurt again. I'm wondering if I need glasses, as one of my eyes seem weaker than the other and I keep getting headaches staring at the screen when in lectures and at home :(


Anyhoo, short post just to show you I am still alive :D

xxx

Chester Uni: Season 1

So as the title suggests...I'm turning my time at uni into a tv show :D so overall there will be 9 seasons...hoping that I get through uni :P

And as I'm into season two of the show then firstly and most obviously i shall have to tell you about seanson one before i can tell you about season two.

Chester University: Season One - The Joining Of Forces
So the scene is set with a nervous, shy girl entering a old house. Slowly the house fills with other people and time speeds up to show the girls face smiling and feeling 'more at home'.
The scene changes to other people moving into their own houses and how they felt about this situation (all my friends).
Returns back to the main character (moi) and she is now skimming through lectures, walking around town but in the background more and more friends join her, walking with her and laughing.

The scene slows at the pub where it does the whole fuzzy, seeing the person of their dreams kinda scene. A quick scene of a kiss and then were zipping ahead again. Laughing, partying, finishing a few exes...:P

And then the scene comes to finish with that character in perticular typing up on her laptop and smiling to herself :D

Ok, so now you have been updated, keep in touch for Season Two :D



Back to the realitly where I shall give you a proper post :D
So today i went swimming again which made me feel good (but i just ate half a huge pizza which was probably a waste of time :P)
But i went with only my boyfriend today...WHO I can now share with you all..he is called Sean <3 :D yayayayayayayay!!!!!

Was nice and calm and enjoyed the whole time...and the swimming pool is amazing ;)

Yesterday went to the SU for a bit with some mates, but my dwindling money really means I should save it up to be honest :(

Am now watching films with Sean, and it's been a long weekend. I have the day off tmoz so its a three-day weekend plus on wednesday I have that off aswell so my natural biological time clock is gonna be fucked :D

Au Reviour for now my lovelies :D

xxxxx

Discover (Why The Love Hurts)

So after leaving you with a slightly sadistic blog yesterday I thought I'd create happier one to reflect my mood and to cheer you up and to entertain myself.

My blog will attempt to have ALL the Elliot Minor songs (in bold for help) within the passage :D clever huh?

So basically time has moved on as it usually does, day after day, time after time , the day moves on. I'm in quite a positive mood and today I was at Reaseheath again. I ended up in a group with my boyfriend and I answered most questions on first aid. I guess all those boring First Aid courses in guides helped out :P in a parallel world it might be different :P

Then me and my bf got to clean out meerkats...fun ¬¬ but it really was...no matter how boring mucking out it, there soo cute and fun to watch...but whilst were thinking "Awww their soo cute!!" there all thinking "The white one is evil!"

:D

Was fun....

Little sad event however to put a dark cloud on my mostly happy day. One of my guinea pigs from back home has died which is upsetting, which means two of my animals have died in this one month :(

I love my friend from Uni...she is soo concerned about my previous blog about that bitch who I am still concerned fancies my bf...and if she says no then the liar is you, you silly cow!! Anyhoo, so if you read this my lovely ginger friend...thankyou for being concerned but its all sorted but will tell you in due time when I'm fully over it :P

Om nom nom Haribo Starmix :D om nom...

I'm counting on my lucky stars that this weekend is happy and goes back to how it used to be, something which me and my boyfriend are begging for at the moment :S
I love him sooo much and don't want to loose him...:(

I'm still figuring out how to kill the cow :P

I may have to do it silently so nobody knows...or i'll end up having to be running away...

Am a bit giddy atm, want food and miss my boyfriend but have a couple of films to watch...so it can only be described as being on a electric high.

Ooohh...*shiver*

Oh there's an Elliot Minor song I can use to describe my mate....wait for it: The Dancer


To my bf (I don't like having to put bf...I want to use your name but it's up to you :P): I love you and always will, please don't have doubts like you do and please trust me when I say I'm not going to dwell, we will move past this and I love you
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


Right, now to list all the songs I couldn't put into my work (the title is a song btw):
Jessica
The Broken Minor
Last Call To New York City
Wait Another Week
I Believe
Coming Home
Carry On
Solaris
Better Than The Courtroom
All Along
Tethered
Let's Turn This Back Around

P.S: I apolagise to how corny and rubbish this blog sounds...I don't usually word my sentences like this but I wanted to be...'creative' haha.

xxxxxxx

She's taking over my job :(

Not a positive blog I must admit. My moods shit and I don't know what to do. Telling me to cheer up won't help either.

So...the previous incident the other day of things being said to the wrong person by the one i love the most has caused me to become the laughing stock. I don't know what was said, and I don't know if my bf has been laughing/bitching about me behind my back...but either way this...BITCH has no right to bitch about me to my bf and ask him to talk to me about what I'm doing. I have more fucking right than she ever will so how DARE she say I'm commenting of facebook too much...she's not the one dating him....urgh the HOARE!!!

I've never said a bad word to her, no matter what I think off her, but now I couldn't give a shit of what she thinks or says...if i ever meet her...I will probably most likely kill her. Does she really think my by is going to jump and and do what she says...if nothing has/is going on and what he's told me is true (I trust him 100%...but I'm keeping my options clear) then she's just a jealous slag who is trying to test if she can get him to jump at the click of her fingers.

...she'll have no bloody fingers left if she tries anything else ¬¬

My emotions are fucked. I'm going from dead and emotionless, to wanting to cry, then to wanting to scream and hit things...all for one fucking slag who needs to stick to one man rahter than becoming the crappiest hoare/slag/bitch/cow EVER!!!

And I'm not being cowardly and chicken and bitching behing her back, because if i EVER meet here properly and talk to her i will kindly tell her what she is...not what i think off her..what she IS.

Urgh...........wanting to cry and throw things now :*(

Meh....anyway, yesterday was cool. Went swimming and got my bf to fight his fears and go down the water slide :D and I found out one of my closests mates is going out with another of my mates...so just hope it works out for them :D Best of luck!!!

Then we went out, and it wasn't that bad in Brannigans...bit typical music...repetitive and sooo packed and warm. It was fun minus the lack of money and getting home sober :P but it was a fun night out in general.
Today has been a good day. Lie in, slow day, great random sex ;) until he got that frigging text saying something about this better be my bf or she'll get her head bit off. Why the fuck would I text her at all? Delusional retarded fucker.......

See what happens...i love this lad so freaking much that I'm hurting on the inside. It makes me sad...i don't like how i can be but i've tried and succeeded so well the past few weeks but she's going to fuck it all up. I don't wanna argue with my bf over a piece of shit...but it's actually usually her fucking fault. If I chop her up and throw her in a river I think we'll be ok :P

I'm so confused..i'm tired, I want to be comforted and I want my bf so much :(

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

My Day..

So it's been one of those days ¬¬ and I wish it hasn't been...

So I had the early morning lecture and today I did not want to get up. I was happily snuggled against the warm, naked body of my boyfriend and my waking wasn't on the top of my list as I witnessed the 'weirdest' of dreams.

After crawling out of bed, waking my boyfriend, waking my mate by ringing him (and he still didn't turn up for lecture...) I got dressed then got round to breakfast and sorting my hair and such.

Thing is, last night was amazing. I watched the Lion King with my boyfriend and it was so fun. I cried when Mufassa dies...and fell in love with the film and my own personal dreams when Simba and Nala fall in love during 'Can You Feel The Love Tonight'.

So today, lecture was actually quite interesting...it's all new information and I actually learnt something new.

Then I had quite a few free hours so that involved job hunting in town with my boyfriend and crying over what I wanted to buy but couldn't :( got back to his house, chilling out laughing at the chavs on Jeremy Kylse show :D...then the incident arrived where, without giving too much away paranoia sinks in, my heart breaks and I shut down.

Luckily that's past now, and I can look back now my head's clear...but I'm still a little dazed and theres a funny feeling at the back of my head :S paranoia wants to be my best friend again after i locked him away for a while...:(

But then my day improved. I made it up with my bf very well ;) and it was great and more romantic than just typical bed bouncing :D it was lovely and he kisses amazingly...ok so I'm going off on one :P sorree

I put some food in...and I'm actually looking foreward to it. I have about 10 mins to go till its ready, I open the oven door and it's friggin burnt...my oven is fucked. The settings must be wrong :( so I can't cook anything to go with my food and the pie is messed up :(

And now I'm alone....sent him away to go work out :D not that he needs to because he's fit :D

But luckily were all going out tmoz night for a night out which I really feel I need as I'm feeling down :(

Life is sucking at this second in my life but also really rocking...so basically I don't know what to think of life....

Unfair right?

xxx

Creativness is usually a sign of nothing to do...

So I've noticed a pattern.

I draw and x-stitch when I am bored. It's not a sign of procrastination as I have no work that desperatly needs doing.

*sigh*

Boyfriends at his digs getting himself stressed and worked up over money and getting a job...I can relate and I understand his pain but all I want to do is comfort him and make him happy...but it won't work :(

My lovely bestest friend has guests round tho she well knows she would prefer to be hanging out with me.

*sigh*...again.

So here I am, listening to the wonderful tunes of Boyzone and x-stitching BUSTED's face into fabric...a process which confuses my bf to the extreme :D Nothing to eat to pass the time, hardly any money and i've watched all my DVD's. Computers boring, just staring at the same Facebook screen waiting for SOMETHING to happen. It's one of 'those' weekends...

Highlight for today however. A cousin of my lovely boyfriend has decided to add me and then converse with me. She is lovely and she say's I am nice which has lifted my moods.
Not that I was scared his family wouldn't accept me (not that that would matter. I would hope my bf would stay with me even if his family hated me...) anyhoo, I hope and think that they will like me, but still, you worry of what they will think of you...that I'm intruding on their lives, or just replacing previous exes.

It's strange coming from a relationship where you never had to worry about exes as they never had any, or competition, because you never had any to a relationship where you have to be better than his past, prove all the exes who's the best and make him forget anybody he's ever loved.

Difficult but totally worth it if you succeed :D I feel I have done quite well and am very proud of my womanly charms (...even though my feminicity has only recently bloomed since coming to University)

Anyway...a slow day in all but still in a good mood...i just wish something interesting could happen.

Yesterday was fun. I had a lemur sit on my shoulder, cuddled and blew ;) a chinchilla and a bloody mouse bit me and it's still sore.

It's not even like I can say, "Oh a lemur ravagly attacked me yesterday and bit me!"...it was a mouse, and no matter how much it hurts me and makes me sad...nobody will care and think I'm over-reacting which sucks becasue I really does hurt :(

Anyway...mixed emotions. Will get back to you soon maybe when something happens...
xx

Land of Boredom

Ohai ^^

So it's been a while since I posted last (a grand total of 2 days :O) so I thought I'd bore you with my presence.

It's been a slow week really. Mainly lectures...*snore*
But on Tuesday we bought the house! We have a house!!!! I can't wait. Am very excited and feel all grown up :D
My friend has a house party at her digs but it was a little boring so we snuck off to our SU and enjoyed some amazing Indie tunes like the odd-bunch we are :D then after going to my bf's house with NO booze we all gave up the go and sodded off back to our beds at 2 in the morning. (No wonder i'm still tired...I havn't had an early night for a loooong time now)

Wednesday was even slower. One heck of a lie in then I went shopping with my friends to buy a hat and stuff from AS :P...very useful :D

Today is my full day of lectures and I really can't be bothered...it sucks and it drags and makes me feel more tired than I already am. Also I miss my bf...he's at his house doing important stuff I presume...

I have more lectures in about and hour ¬¬ FML!!!

Oooh...the situation with one perticular girl in my house has increased. Not evily or anything serious, but me n my bf got a good giggle out of...wait for it..:

The Pen Has Struck Again!!

Basically...there are note popping up around the house with very rude messages...I say rude...more inpolite, such as "Whoever the fuck this is, can you move it," or "Would it kill somebody to take the rubbish out?" or on our lovely rhyming notes telling male guests to put the seat down, some depressed bitch has now added "Seems that some can't fucking read..." Now what was the point in that.
They put on all this facade as how big and hard they are, trying to look cool, when by the looks off it they can't say anything to peoples face, other than bitching about people to others...and in realitly, that makes them just look pathetic. It's cowardly and sad and I'm so glad i'm not going to be wasting my life next year with a bunch of chickens.

So tonight I think I'm going to force some form of an early night out of my bf as I wont have any energy tmoz when at Reaseheath...and that will make my day rubbish :P

Going to try and stay in an optimisitc mood even though Facebook is being an idiot on me and may crash, my bf seems to be in a shit mood, and it's a boring day in general...ah....*positive thoughts, positive thoughts*...

Laters xxx

Life Sucks...and then you go to Uni and it Rocks

So at the title suggests, things have developed in Uni making me feel all grown up :D

Today me and my mates and lovely boyfriend were looking at houses for our second year at Uni and we have found one which is superbly amazing and I can already imagine all the fun times were gonna have (very excited). Tomorrow we have to go pay some fee to guarrentee this house...so i'm very happy, apart from being put out £100 ¬¬

I was going to live with the girls I am currently in digs with, and to begin with I was like "Yeah, there cool, and we could have a good time," but now people are showing their true colours and my motto of life at the moment is:

True Friends are not those you are forced with, but those you find on your own!

So now I've ditched them and moving in with all ym closest lovely, bubbly friends, which happens to include my boyfriend.

Now, this has caused problems...mainly within the maternal section on my life ¬¬ she's not happy and reckons that my boyfriend is going to go away and shag some 'bird' and leave me ditched. I hope to God he doesnt...everyone has told me 'you don't know whats going to happen in the future' and yeah, I can totally agree with that...but everyone is saying "What will happen if you break up?" Nobody is asking, "How great will it be living and staying with him if we DON'T break up".

I have more chance being depressed and left out living with my current housemates, rather than the chance of breaking up with my boyfriend.

And tbh...I don't think I ever will break up with him (I know, I know...you knever know...but I know what I feel at the moment is nothing to be worried about)

This is such a negative world...

Anyhoo, cannot wait to live with everyone. Should be amazing fun...and hopefully tmoz I will have a house to call my own :D will love it :D

We plan to buy a cat...I want to call it Chester <3

Currently in a happy mood, just waiting for bf to get his ass back to mine to sleep over ^^ and give me cuddles and love me lots :D

See ya soon...look out for my update on if I get the house or not

xxx

Apparently Fish Bring Out the Love in Us.

I promised myself I wouldn't post everyday, but I felt the need to type and this was just too perfect.

So today I took a trip to Blue Planet Aquarium today with my 2 friends, my boyfriend and my 12 year odl sister who is up for visits.

It was fun and today has been amazing so this is going to be a positive post :D we wandered aroudn looking at the slimy fishes and the scary sharks, all the while joking and having amazing fun, and my amazing boyfriend giving me kisses and hugs and loads off affection.
I'm not sayin he doesnt usually...he is very affectionate. It was just the way he did it and how often, made my heart flutter and I was totally submissive to his charms and just fell a tad deeper in love with him.

We were all joking that we were all getting broody, and he was saying I was getting maternal over my baby sister. And I admit I was, but that look in his eyes suggested something more behind the joke.

We made some more jokes walking home about he was going to get me pregnant and it was funny and all and I have to make this as clear as day: in no way possible at this moment in time do I want to have children. I am not ready and still have my life to lead before creating new life. But looking at him and the way he smile when he said it, I could see it. Corny as is sounds I saw it and wanted it and felt slightly embarrassed to even think about it. I cannot wait for the years to come.

But then we all resorted to our current teenage, hormone riddled lives and I kissed him so much on the way home, I'm shocked I didn't actually get bored. Actuallyt i'm shocked I thought I'd get bored...how on earth could I get bored :D I love him so much.

I'm going on now...and i'm sure you all don't want to know about my love life :D

The day was fun. I bought a cute pen and two tiny baby dolphin teddies :D made me happy.

My sister goes home tmoz and I can lie in pure bliss with my boyfriend and then it's monday again and the lectures begin again, all the time with him at my side learning and loving together.

I hope to God he doesn't read this...he'll dump me just from being scared and embarrased :O

I'll try to give you a few days, to get over the sickly shock that I have forced upon you all...and if you're much like my good friend from Uni...please don't hate me :D I know it makes you feel sad, but I can't lick down all my feelings :D

xxx

Waiting for the Ginger Devil Child

So once again I am drawn to my pc to write up what has occured through the past couple of days since I last bored you all with a previous account of my life :(

My sisters on her way to visit me at University and she's only 12, so my options are limited as to what to do with her...i'm thinking hanging her from the roof and seeing how long it takes her to break :P

She's here now so the alcohol stops haha :D

Well today I went to Reaseheath and was so boring. Wished i wasted the day in bed :D and yesterdays 'wonderful' lectures wasnt that good but ended on a good note going to the pub with my lovely friends and watching football with the lads <3

Today was just one of those days...I put my jeans on over my pj bottoms and knew something wouldn't be right. I ended up getting beaten up by my boyfriend (don't worry...just play fighting but he's a tad rough) and then had to clean out ferrets!!!

Agh!!! Tommorow should be good...if it's not i'm gonna hunt down the idiot who owes me fun times :D <3

Will keep you updated of the highs and lows. I feel that soon i shall need a post that is aimed at all my complaints. Haha...


Be with you soon xxx

The End

So here I am, sat at my pc watching the world go by as my clothes was and my boyfriend talks to his mother on the phone. The discussions football...again so i'm zoning out and finding something else to do.

My friend got me into blogging, its a good way to pass the time and think about my days gone by.
I like to think it will keep me entertained through my long days of studying, drinking and having fun with my friends...yes I am a student currently residing my first year and second term of Chester University, and so far it has been great even though i dreaded coming to this place of doom.

Today has been my day off and after last nights events of me throwing up in the local nightclub and then stumbling home with my slightly drunk boyfriend I enjoyed a day of late waking and peaceful, effortless giggles and walking. Tomorrow is where it all starts again. More lectures and the day will drag as my young teenage life draws to a close :(

If I don't carry on this blog, will somebody poke me in the face and tell me to get my act in gear?

xxx