Bringing back the Past

Kerry!!!! I havn't forgotten you and I'm so glad you read my posts...I had no idea :D

I promise to be more involved and I wont forget you. I don't love my new friends anymore than the love I feel for you :D

Anyway...I reckon you don't want me confessing over my blog...Facebook is better ;)

Anyway...its Saturday and 14.08 no matter what the time at the bottom says :S I'm sat looking after my sisters and watching Scrubs. It's one of those days where I can't go out as my mums in bed and i have to look at the sisters. I can't pack, have to stay quiet and BLOODY SEAN AIN'T TEXTING!!

He's probably sleeping off a hangover from the stag do he said he wouldn't like but I reckon he had fun...(as long as there wasn't any strippers...)

Last night was annoying. I knew he wuldn't text...even though he said he would. So I kept myself preoccupied.

But when I asked if he had had a cigar then I got nothing...so obviously I was panicky all night..and sleep was a little disrupted :(

He told me waaaay in advance that he might be smoking, and I accepted it...but then recently he's being sayin ghe probably wont...and I'm sorry to say I think I got my hopes up that he wouldn't be smoking.

But when he has pressure to make his brother happy, and theres booze around, and everyone else is doing it, I reckon he did smoke a cigar...but he hasn't told me and I REALLY NEED TO KNOW...like now :(

If he has then I don't want to know anything else...like how many or anything. As long as he doesnt start smoking then I don't need to know.

It's not as if I can change the past. It's been done and I have to live with it..and there was no way I could have said 'I don't want you to do that please' becasue I have no right to do so and he wouldn't have listened as it's not for me to decide.

Anyway...i'm not getting down. I've accepted what might have happened...so when it's confirmed I'm gonna be down (slightly) but I can't say or do anything as long as it was the one off to make his brother happy. I just needed to write it all down to confirm this to myself and to STICK TO IT :D

Anyway...in a general 'meh...' mood.

Keep updated :D
xxxx